


River Part 6

by writingformadderton



Series: River [6]
Category: Rocketman (2019)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Regret, Shame, Sleeping Pills, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23616394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: It is the day after Christmas and Richard wakes up feeling regret but also kind of happy. Taron on his side is driven by regret and when he is out for a walk he meets his ex boyfriend and his best friend. Brandon tells them to talk about their evening and goes home earlier. Taron apologizes and tells Richard that he regrets a lot of things. When they say goodbye Richard doesn’t know that Taron planned to see him for the last time that afternoon. Until he gets the call.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Series: River [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603804
Kudos: 2





	River Part 6

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter ends very dark, so whoever wants an sad ending for this fiction should stop reading after this chapter :)

The next morning, Richard wakes up with a terrible headache. He moves to sit up, but realizes that Brandon is lying on top of him. Richard closes his eyes again and tries to control the pain in his head, feeling himself getting thirsty. Deciding to rub his mates back to wake him up, he lifts his hand and frowns when he feels Brandon’s warm skin underneath his fingertips. He opens his eyes quickly and sees that both of them aren’t wearing their shirts anymore, nor their pants.  
Richard turns his head to the side, hissing when a sharp pain shoots through his neck, and sees their clothes lying around in the room. He takes a deep breath and is relieved when he realizes that both of them are still wearing their underwear.  
He tries to remember what happened last night after his talk with Taron. Yeah because you were just talking. He didn’t make out with Brandon, right? Let alone, sleep with him? Oh shit.

The American wakes up with a deep groan and pushes himself up. He looks down at him, his eyes becoming wide, and then glances around the room. “Please tell me we didn’t-.” he stumbles.

“Don’t think so.” Richard answers and massages his temples. “But drinking so much wasn’t a good idea.”

“I agree.” Brandon rolls off of him and sits up, running his fingers through his messy hair. “I need a shower.” he mumbles and gets up moaning. He comes back with a glass of water and a pain pill to fight the headache and hands it to Rich. “Take that.”

Richard thanks him and takes the pill. He rests his head in the pillow again and hears Brandon turn on the shower upstairs. Rich grabs a blanket and covers himself with it, looking outside and seeing the snow falling heavy. Rubbing his face, he thinks back to last night.

Having Taron in his arms, hearing him moaning his name right next to his ear and being inside him. Taron’s hot skin pressed against his, his soft lips underneath him and their tongues sliding against each other. Feeling his thick thighs underneath his lips and sinking his teeth in his weak spot.

He feels himself getting needy for his touch again. Rich wants to feel him, kiss him, and make him squirm in his arms again. He remembers back to all their good times and all the times they had candid fun. It was never the same with T. Sometimes they spent soft and lazy evenings together melting into one in their bed. Other times Taron provoked him in public, embarrassed him, making him hard until he got what he wanted.

“Fuck.” he says to himself when he feels him getting hard.

“Oh fuck.” Taron groans and arches his back, cumming all over his hand. He comes down slowly from his high and falls back into his pillow. Panting, he looks up to the ceiling, grabbing the towel and the wash cloth, cleaning himself.

Waking up with a headache, he started thinking about the events that happened last night. Richard’s full lips that were traveling all over his thighs and making him weak in his knees, his full lips kissing him over and over again. His deep groans when he started working inside of him that he missed hearing so much. Taron was hard before even thinking about the way Rich looked at him when he slid into him for the first time.

And before he could stop himself, his hands pulled down his boxers and he started working on his hard cock, imagining it to be Richard. Making himself squirming and moaning all to himself. God you’re a pathetic mess! If he could see you right now.

Taron walks over to the bathroom slowly and gets rid of his boxers. He steps underneath the shower head and enjoys the warm water running down his body and calming him down.

Back in his room, he collects his clothes that he threw on the floor when he came home late last night. He checks his phone and sees a message from Jamie.

Gonna fly back in an hour. Take care of yourself, T – Jaime 

Safe flight, mate. – Taron

Taron sighs and lies his phone aside. Rich started calling him T and somehow his friends started doing it too. Now Richard and he weren’t that close anymore and still people were calling him that. It has a nice and familiar ring to it, and it calmed him when he heard or read it. But it also hurt not hearing it from him anymore.

I fucking miss you, T.

That’s what he said yesterday. Before shoving him against the door and making him feel so damn good.

When Richard walks down the stairs after a needed shower, he sees Brandon sleeping on the sofa. He grins and gets a warm blanket, putting it over him. He gets a piece of paper and writes a short message for his best friend, placing it on the sofa table. All he needed now was a bit fresh air and time to sort out his thoughts.

“Where are you going?” Brandon asks and yawns. He sits up and rubs his eyes before grabbing his glasses from the table. Putting them on his nose, he looks at Richard curiously.

“I wanted to go out for a walk. Wanna join?” he asks and smiles when Brandon nods and gets up.

They get dressed for the weather and walk outside into the cold winter landscape. After a little while walking, they reach the park and start talking. Until now they remained silent, but in a comfortable way. That’s one of the things Richard loves about their friendship. They could remain silent for so long without feeling awkward doing it.

Grabbing his coat, Taron opens the door and steps outside. The cold makes him shiver and he pulls the coat closer to his body. He doesn’t know where he should go and just walks around the city until he reaches the park.

The snow is crunching underneath his feet and he slightly kicks it around. Taron puts his hands deeper into his coat and sighs a bit, watching his breath look like smoke due to the cold. He stops walking when he sees Brandon and Richard a bit away from him, walking together through the park. Brandon looks up to him and says something, Richard starts laughing and shakes his head. The American stops walking and shoots him a glare before grabbing some snow and throwing it into Richard’s face.

Taron chuckles softly, Rich wouldn’t let him get away with that. His ex-boyfriend leans down and lifts Brandon up, throwing him over his shoulder. Something falls down and Taron continues walking, getting cold from standing around.

“Richard! Let me down!” Brandon shouts laughing and groans when Rich throws him right into the snow. He pants lying there and can barely hide his face behind his hands before a snowball hits him. Sitting up, he grabs some snow and throws it at Rich who is laughing at him. Suddenly, he realizes how bad his vision is, which he originally thought was because of the snow. “Rich?” Another snowball hits his face. “Richard! Stop for a second.” He gets up carefully and closes his eyes slightly. “Where the hell are my glasses?!”

“Shit! Did you lose them in the snow?” Richard asks shocked and looks around.

“Are you looking for these?” Taron asks and shows them the glasses he found a few meters away from them, lying in the snow.

“Oh god, yes! Thank you!” Brandon says and takes them with a bright smile. He pulls down the sleeve of his hoodie and cleans the glasses, before putting them on his nose. “Hey, Taron.”

“Hey.” T smiles a bit and glances at Richard. “I’m gonna go, just wanted to return those to you.”

“Oh no, it’s fine.” Brandon says and looks at Rich. “I think you two could use a conversation after last night.”

“We can talk later. I won’t take your time away with Richard.” Taron says and chuckles softly.

Brandon smirks and shakes his head. “I’m staying for the next couple of weeks and I need some sleep after last night. Don’t worry about that.”

“Well, we can. But only if you want too.” Richard says slowly and looks at him observantly.

“Yeah.” T says and nods.

Brandon pulls up the hood of his jacket and looks at them for a moment. “But please, keep it to strictly talking please? You’re out in public.”

Taron frowns and looks at Richard. “Did you tell him what happened?”

Before Richard can even answer, Brandon starts chuckling. “No. But I’m not blind, Taron. I know my best mate and I saw the looks on both of your faces. And well-.” He points at their necks, now covered with dark marks, and raises his eyebrows. 

Richard grins and pats his back. “I’m gonna see you later then.” He hands him the keys and they go their separate ways.

Richard and Taron walk next to each other, both caught up in their thoughts. They don’t know how to start a proper conversation without slipping into a topic that would only hurt. “I am sorry.”

“How do you mean?” Richard asks and looks over to him.

Taron bites his lower lip. “For literally everything. For hurting you so much, for ruining our relationship, for hurting myself, for making you suffer and blaming you for my problems.” T stops walking and turns towards him. He looks down at the ground briefly and shakes his head looking back up. “For slapping you.” He raises his eyebrows and his eyes fill with tears.

Richard swallows hard and bites on his lips. “It’s okay.” he says barely audible.

“No, it is not, Richard. You were right a few days ago. I wrecked you.” He presses his lips together shaking. “And you wanna know the worst part?” Rich just looks at him remaining silent. “I didn’t care. At all.” he spits out sourly and shrugs his shoulders. “I just didn’t care that I hurt you.”

“I-.” Richard feels his own eyes filling with tears. Taron admitting that he didn’t care at all hurts even more than the actual break up. He knew that T kind of stopped thinking about it and never called him. But he always told himself that he just needed a break as much as he. “I know that, I guess.”

“It hurts, right? It feels like I slapped you all over again, but this time much more deadly.” Taron says and takes a deep breath. It wasn’t true at all that he didn’t care but he wants Rich to hate him. It would be easier for him to get over everything then.

“Taron-.”

“Don’t lie to me. I know you and I can see how much I hurt you.” A single tear rolls down his face and he lets it happen. The thought of losing him completely now hurts.

“It hurts. Immensely.” Richard takes a step closer to him and looks down at him.

“Why do you still want me?” Taron asks and shakes his head frustrated. He could tell him the worst lies and Richard would still forgive him after a while. “I fucking destroyed you, Richard. And I still do. Talking you into having sex with me, just to finally feel good for a single moment again. I am toxic and-.”

Richard cups his face and tells him to shut up for a single second. He looks into the confused blueish green eyes he once called his home. “I still love you.” he simply says. “It maybe sounds idiotic because of everything that happened to us. But deep down you’re still the same man I fell in love with all those years ago.”

Taron swallows back his tears and looks at him with big sad puppy eyes. “I just want you to be happy.”

The Scottish leans forward and kisses him softly, still cupping his face. “Someone asked me yesterday; Can you just live in the moment for fucking once?” he smiles weakly and his thumb rubs over his cheek. “That’s what I try to do every day and you should start that too. Stop thinking back over and over again, you can’t change what happened back then.”

“But I can’t make it right again either.” Taron pulls his hands away from his face and softly squeezes them. “Richard you have to promise me something.”

“What?”

“I want you to be happy. Stay with people that are good for you.” Taron lets go of his hands and kisses him gently for one last time. He stares into those deep blue eyes and his throat gets tight. Now he is absolutely sure of his next steps. He needs to protect Richard from him. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.” Richard says quietly and watches him observantly.

“I have to go now. But I promise you, you’ll see me again.” Taron smiles at him weakly and turns around, beginning to walk away. He tries to hold himself together until he is back at home, and when he finally makes into his apartment, he stumbles upstairs into the bathroom.

He grabs the razors. Looking at himself in the mirror, he starts sobbing and punches the glass. Hating his reflection became normal. “Just do it and it’ll be over.” He mumbles to himself.

Richard sits next to Brandon on the sofa and thinks about Taron’s strange way of saying goodbye. Something was clearly not right. He sees that Brandon’s glass is empty and walks into the kitchen to refill it. When he walks back in, his phone rings and he sees Taron’s name appearing. “Taron?” he takes the call. 

“Promise me to take care of yourself.” Taron just says with a shaking voice. 

Rich listens closely and worries float through his body. His ex-boyfriend was clearly drunk and upset. “Where are you?”

“Please, Richie. Promise me.” T begs and his voice cracks as the tears start falling. 

“Taron, don’t do something stupid, you hear me?” Richard feels panic rising in his body and his hands start shaking. Brandon turns around confused and watches him questioning. 

“It’s gonna be okay. No one will miss me. And you won’t as well after some time.” Taron explains with a high-pitched shaking voice. He sniffs and holds back a sob when he feels the sharp pain in his wrist. 

“No, Taron!” Rich sounds scared now which worries Brandon immensely. “Where are you?”

“At home. For now.” T just says and hopes Richard would believe him and wouldn’t come here.

“Please don’t do this to me, love.” Richards voice cracks and he tries to hold himself together, shaking. 

Taron swallows hard at the sound of Richards voice but shakes his head. No turning back! “I’m sorry. You’re gonna be okay. I love you, angel eyes.” He chokes out and ends the call quickly sinking down on his knees crying.

Richard feels himself getting dizzy and the glass falls from his hand and onto the floor, along with his phone. He pants and stumbles towards the sofa to hold himself up. Brandon jumps up and catches him, holding him tightly. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asks worried. But Richard starts stammering something and his eyes fill with tears rapidly, which quickly make their way down his cheeks. “Rich? What’s wrong? What did he say?”

Richard starts sobbing full of panic and slides down onto the floor, pulling Brandon down with him. That couldn’t be true, right? What was he supposed to do now?

“Talk to me, bub.” Brandon pulls him into a safe embrace, knowing Richard is someone who needs to be held during such an attack and strokes his fingers through his hair. He knows a panic attack when he sees it, but this here was intense, even for Richard. “I’m here, shh.”

Richard looks up and his eyes are full of panic. “Taron. He’s drunk and- I think he’s gonna end it.” Is all he can choke out.

“What?” His heartbeat increases and he tries to sort out his thoughts. “Okay, I need you to calm down now.” he says and strokes over his back, rocking them forth and back. “He needs your help right now, Rich.”

Rich shakes his head and tries to calm down again. “I can’t. Brandon I can’t even breathe. How am I supposed to-.” he sobs and holds onto Brandon tightly, knowing he’s the only thing saving him from giving up completely. “Please don’t leave me as well.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” he says and presses a kiss to his hair, trying to calm his racing heart. “I’m here, Rich, I’m here.”

Taron stumbles into the bedroom groaning when the dizziness gets too much. The pill bottle in his hand falls from his hand and bounces on the floor. “Fuck, Rich?” he chokes out and tries to see clearly again. Then he looks down at his hands, covered in blood, and realizes that Richard isn’t here to save him. He was all alone. He drops to his knees and breaks down, groaning and trying to breathe. But every effort is useless and the dizziness consumes him. He blacks out and his body falls limp onto the floor.


End file.
